Saturday, August 07, 2010

How to waste ten dollars.

I'm not usually a real big breakfast eater; it's not that I don't love bacon and sausage and pancakes and all that, I just like stayin' in bed more. Last time I had a breakfast that involved home-cooked eggs, I had just woke up in somebody else's bed -- much like the previous line, it's not that I'm slutty, I just like stayin' in bed, sometimes more than driving home. Heh.

Weekends usually involve sleeping late and stumbling to Clay's kitchen for whatever I might find; could be PopTarts, could be cereal, sometimes it's biscuits & sausage, sometimes it's peanut butter and crackers. During the week, there's usually a lovely buttery biscuit waiting for me in a styrofoam box beside the newspaper and that's how I start my day at work. One morning a couple years ago, there was a brown paper bag from Sonic sittin' in that spot and I was surprised with a breakfast burrito... Now, I like sausage and I like cheese, but I never had tried 'em together, let alone with scrambled eggs mixed in; but it was good, really good. I really like the Sonic breakfast burrito, so much that sometimes I get one for lunch just to avoid more deep-fried stuff.

So, this morning, heading back to Clay's house about 8:15, I thought to myself, "Heyyy, there's a Sonic right on the way, I'll pick up some breakfast for the two of us!" Clay eats the same things I eat, I'm sure he'll like it...

Now, Sonic, oh dear Sonic; I have loved you nearly all my life. I have loved your onion rings since I was too small to see out of the car; I fell for your glorious cheese tator tots way back when my ass was small enough to sit on the center console of the Trans-Am between My Mom and My Grannie. Oh, the great conundrum of being forced to choose between a corndog and a grill cheese to sit beside my onion rings was enough; then My Grannie showed me the magic of the fish sandwich and cheese tator tots, oh my my! I'll never forget that night in my other Grandma's Chrysler with my Best Friend from highschool, who showed me that it was totally possible to special order a Sonic cheeseburger and get it just how I wanted it instead of having to pick off the garbage and find a place to put it without getting any on the car.

That limited-time-only Brownie Blast was amazing, the Campfire Blast (Smooooooorrrres!) is heavenly, and when those are gone, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup blast is so excellent. The chicken dinner with the white gravy is like down-home cookin' in a red and white box, and there's not many places that'll put a lime in a Diet Dr. Pepper or a cherry in a sweet tea, Oh Sonic, how I love thee. Love ya even enough to get past those irritating commercials.

Now, that being said, I've come to the conclusion that the one on South Union Avenue isn't a real Sonic. It's the Anti-Sonic.

With a quick peek at the menu, I reaffirmed the decision I'd made when I found myself wide-awake after, ahem, working a night shift. "Number Eleven," the Sausage Breakfast Burrito Combo, a big (not dollar menu) burrito with tots and a drink -- so that's what I said into the speaker, "Two number eleven sausage burrito combos with tots, one with a Diet Dr. Pepper and one with orange juice." I figured Clay wouldn't want the orange juice (I was right), and I knew for sure he wouldn't want the "Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito," 'cause neither of us is a fan of the veggie-type stuff, so no tomatoes, no jalapenos, no onions, no lettuce, no nothing like that.

Two regular sausage burritos, two tots, two drinks. Doesn't sound that hard, does it?

I'd been tellin' Clay about the magic of the Sonic Sausage Breakfast Burrito for quite a while, how it's so good and so perfect for picky eaters like us -- no veggies, no BS, just a flour tortilla with chopped up sausage, chopped up scrambled eggs, and melted cheese to make it all stick together, mmmmmm, so good...

When I got to the house to surprise Clay with breakfast, I handed him the sack while I put my stuff down and took off my shoes -- Clay pulled a burrito out of the bag and took a bite and said, "I think I got yours."

Uhm, they're the same, I got two sausage burritos...

Clay, by the luck of the draw, got a tortilla wrapped around bacon and cheese, which is pretty cool, but not the "Sausage Breakfast Burrito" that I ordered.

I unwrapped the other one and saw some sort of a pink morsel stuck to it. Bad sign. Eh, here's my sign, I bit into it anyway, got grossed-out and had to spit out what I had. When I unrolled the tortilla, I had two slices of tomato, a handful of jalapeno, a mess of onions, and maybe a little cheese and/or egg.

There was no sausage anywhere in that bag, so Clay had a pretty cool bacon burrito and I had two orders of tator tots. Mmm, breakfast.

I don't want to be that person pushing the button to complain, and once I'm home and glad to be there, I really don't want to put the stuff back in the sack and get back in the car and drive back to Sonic to push the button and complain. I don't want to be that angry person growling "How can I be a happy customer?"

I just wanted to take home a good breakfast, so I ordered one of the easiest things I possibly could pick off that menu and they still boogered it up.

There is no way a real Sonic would do that...

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