Sunday, October 15, 2006

But Not About A Motel Near The Border...

Last night was the first time we weren't able to get the car ready in time to go race... Finding the valve problem after lunch on Friday just didn't leave enough time to get it out & fixed or get it swapped out. Maybe if I'd been more prepared to whine/bitch/yell/run-to-Mom about it, they could have dropped the ol' spare back in, but I didn't. I also didn't whine/bitch/yell/run-to-Mom about 'em waitin' 'til Friday afternoon instead of checkin' that shit out on Monday -- now, aren't ya proud of me?? We've been ready for a rest for a while; and after Ron helped me with the math & assured me I could keep my top ten if I missed a night, we skipped the night.

Clay and I went to watch; we had a nice time and it didn't mess with my head near as much as I'd thought it might. In seven seasons, this is only the second time I've missed a points race. Up 'til now, the weekend that David died was the only time I'd ever missed, and that was when I wasn't completely sure if I'd ever go back. I'm still glad I went back...

That must be the reason for the dream(s) I had last night. There were lots of people involved; my folks & lots of other family, some of my friends & racing buddies, Clay; near my house or close by just doing all kinds of stuff, like building a deck or putting up a pool (the pool was one of those soft ones with the inflated ring around th top, and it was huge -- I looked out the garage door just in time to hear the hiss off air escaping and watch the ring deflate & let all the water flow out into the yard). Somewhere in the mix of it all, I went in the house and found David sittin' in that papasan chair that I've had since highschool... Now, I'll be straight and honest here, in my waking world, that chair is the world's largest laundry basket and junk-catcher; I haven't actually sat in it in probably ten years, and David never laid eyes on it at all. But in the dream, he was sittin' there waiting for me to come sit down with him. Sleepin' cuddled up to Clay, I dreamed that I was curled up with Dave... It was one of those vivid, detailed dreams that have been coming further and further apart as the time goes by; I could see him clearly and feel him touching me. We talked about all kinds of things like what's been going on since he's been gone, and he understands how my life has changed since then, and how I like it when he "comes to see me in dreams," and how I'll always carry little bits of him around in me. It was odd that I was almost afraid to ask the question of someone I was once the most comfortable with; but it was like he knew what I wanted to ask, so he told me what he thought of Clay...

It made me ask myself some interesting questions; most of which did not have disturbing answers... But still, that whole deck thing makes me wonder if dreams really are "just your brain emptying the recycle bin."

...Last Night I Dreamed;
About a Motel Near The Border,
Dim Light, And A Twenty Dollar Room...


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