Saturday, December 29, 2007

After Christmas 66% Off!

Even good girls like to show their wild side every now and then...

I dig the post-rush cheapskatefest that comes about after every Christmas -- it's a great chance to stock up on the stuff that'll keep for a year, like wrapping and ribbon and bows. I also have no complaints about half-price chocolate, and I see no shame in munching on those lovely four-boxes-for-a-buck cherry candy canes well into February or March.

This year, I put up my tree for the first time since 2001, and I thought it looked quite nice once I covered it with those two buckets of (pet-proof plastic, not glass) shiny ball ornaments that I bought during the after-Christmas sale in '01. I probably don't really need any more ornaments, but I ran onto two adorable kittens with presents, so there's no tellin' when somethin' cute will turn up.

In the course of a lovely afternoon of After-Christmas-Sale shopping, we went to one of the larger artsy-craftsy stores. I'm not going to mention the name, partly because of Go0gle, partly because I'm sure they'd be deeply offended by the admittedly sick humor of this post.

Since there wasn't a whole lot of wrapping paper left in this particular store, but there were five or six aisles full of ornaments, we were checkin' out the ones that weren't black. Seriously, who puts black ornaments on a Christmas Tree anyway??? Christmas Tree Ornaments have come a long way since the days of plain glass balls, and they fall on just about every point on the scale between "cute" and "tacky/gaudy." Every kind of cat or dog or other pet, any shape you can cover with glitter, golf bags, basketballs, a tiny sky-blue motorcoach, a "Soccer Mom" ornament with a very detailed red mini-van; you can hang anything on your tree.

The aisles were tall, and peg after peg of ornaments reached from the floor to the far edge of arm's reach. At 5'6", I've never really thought of myself as short, but I've never really thought of myself as tall either... Near the end of an aisle, I happened to look up, just above my head. I was shocked by what I saw, right there in the middle of that store that always plays their muzak out of a Hymnal, that store that closes on Sundays so that their employees "may worship or spend time with their families," right there with "Away In A Manger" playing on the overhead speakers, there it was.

Now, I'm secure in my heterosexuality, I'm not into lookin' at chicks unless I'm thinkin' "Mmm, where'd ya get those shoes?" I've heard that Scotsmen don't wear drawers under their kilts, but I'd never really put much thought into what any given ballerina wears under her tutu. I have no idea why the sight I saw jumped out at me like it did, but it did.

"Heyyyyyy, that teeny ballerina is wearin' crotchless panties!"

Who knows, maybe it's a manufacturing variation, or maybe there's somebody in the ornament factory who's got a little streak of sick humor... I checked out the other three ballerina ornaments just like this one, one had ordinary undies, and one appeared to have have a serious wedgie; which is quite likely to happen if you've got your leg up in the air a lot. I also saw a couple pink ballerinas who had scary gaping holes in that area, but we're not even goin' there 'cause I'm sure those were only a mold-point or something like that.

I wouldn't ordinarily buy a ballerina ornament, but hey, a ballerina showing her wild streak at 66% off of original price? Yeah-yeah-yeah!! She'll be on my tree next year, just to see if anybody notices!!!


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