When Black Friday Comes…

I am just not a big fan of the crowds; though I love a deal, I can't stand the pushing and shoving, and there's no way I'm camping out on the sidewalk overnight for anything for Christmas. I love a deal year-round, and those amazing deals are out there to be found without having to put up with the Black Friday Crowd. I've been to "The Store That Shall Not Be Named" with My Mom later in the day a couple times, but I don't think I've ever been shopping anywhere any earlier than I'd be getting to work on an ordinary day -- I need my breakfast, and I'm not going to eat while pushing a shopping cart 'cause that's just trashy, and I'm not going to eat in an elbow-to-elbow crowd either, 'cause that's just gross.

I've found some excellent deals over the years; but none of 'em were Black Friday Deals. My favorite deals are mostly the result of always keeping an eye out or being in the right place at the right time… None of 'em involved chasing my ass out of bed at an unholy hour to freeze half to death fighting a shopping cart through a crowd of grumpy strangers.

My favorite Black Friday Story involves only minimal shopping…

In 1998, my 22nd Birthday landed on Black Friday. I was in PTA School and had been considering a tattoo for quite a while, but there was always a friend or boyfriend or someone there to talk me out of it, but not anymore -- I had me some girlfriends, and one of 'em knew a guy who ran a tattoo place just across the state line in Siloam Springs Arkansas. I told the folks we were all going out shopping for Christmas, and we loaded up in my car, the three of us and "Kelly," the kidnapped training mannequin from the college, who went along strictly for the photo opportunities.

I'd fully planned it out to make the trip on the sly; we stopped on the way out of town for aluminum foil to wrap up my Pikepass so we could pay cash for tolls and not have anything show on the statement. I called My Mom and checked in from the loud, crowded grocery store where we picked up the foil, then I turned off my phone at the city limits so it wouldn't show any roaming charges.

My Bee tattoo is from a stamp that I picked up on a random trip to Hobby Lobby, way back before I knew the magic of the yarn department.



With two piercings, one tattoo, and an entire roll of film, we were headed back into Tulsa while it was still light outside.

I was very careful to always keep pants or socks on at home. My folks never knew a thing about it for almost six months, when late into April, I headed into the kitchen in my bathrobe without any socks. I realized what I'd done when I was about halfway through the living room and Mom had already seen me, it was too late to turn around and go back for socks. She saw it while I was pouring a glass of milk, and the shit hit the fan. The fit that ensued involved everything from IV drug use to white trash to homelessness to slutty girls to just don't fucking talk to me about it to think about finding some other place to live; and I never said another word that day.

It's a honey bee, notably life-like, life-size or thereabouts, and I can cover it up with a nickel. It's on my right ankle, just anterior to the distal end of my fibula. Heh, sorry, just had to say it like that 'cause I was in PTA School when I got it. It's on the outside of my ankle, right behind (level with) that bony bump, 'cause you know how all those homeless, slutty, white trash needle-druggies get nickel-size tattoos to hide the tracks 'cause they're shooting it in right there by their ankle bones, right?

My little honey bee is twelve years old today, and I think he still looks alright -- the yellow has faded from his little stripes, but his lines have stayed crisp and black. I still like him, I still hit him with a little lotion (or sometimes lip balm) to wake him up when I'm wearing shorts or sandals where I might get to show him off. I think My Mom has managed to get over it, mostly; and for me, regret has never been a factor.

Happy twelfth birthday, lil buddy, sorry it's too cold to let you out to play today!

Waiting around like a kid countin' down 'til Christmas...

I think my camera might be alright and maybe it was a battery issue when it started acting up... I took my not-so-functional Kodak "Value Charger" back to the store and exchanged it for an Energizer brand, and since the charger seems to function exactly as noted in the instructions, I'm quite satisfied with it. My conclusion: Kodak=good cameras, not-so-good battery chargers.

I went ahead and ordered a new camera anyway... More Megapixels, more features, three years newer, and brand-new for about half of what I spent on the last one; just as to be expected in the world of electronics. When I got my first (very first, circa 1998) digital camera, I'da never believed that in just a few years I'd be carrying a cell phone in my pocket that took higher quality pictures than that camera. I wish I could remember what I spent on that now-dead Casio digital camera, but it's probably best that I don't, I'd probably be a little sick over it. I still have it though, just in case I ever run onto someone who might be able to fix it -- there may still be pictures in there from when Tammy took it to New York City.

In following with "Brand Loyalty," I'm getting another Kodak -- and amazingly enough, I paid cash, even before my tax refund got here. That CoinStar thing (look 'em up by putting a www in front and a com on the end) was interesting to say the least. It's a pretty sweet deal -- ordinarily, it costs eight tenths of a cent for every dollar (my bank wants a penny of every dollar) for "processing," but with CoinStar, if you select a gift card from that huge online retailer named after a river, coin counting is free.

The machine itself was an interesting window of the people-watching sort -- it has a tray where the coins get dumped in, and that tray has holes in it so anything smaller in size than a dime falls through the grate instead of into the coin counter. Under that grate there were a few different kinds of screws and nails and pills and just general pocket garbage. Ah, the fascinating pocket garbage of strangers. Don't worry, it was a look-but-don't-dare-touch kinda deal.

After I'd dumped my kitty litter jug in there, I was fascinated to see the screen say "You have a lot of coins, please wait while we catch up." I'd made a pretty good guess of how much money was in there, and I wasn't too surprised when the screen said I should check the return slot because some coins might not have been accepted. I know some of 'em got tossed in the jug all grubby, like the ones I've picked up at work...

I reached into the return slot, and there was a small handful of change there, along with one single yellow pill.

Ewwwwww...

I have no idea what it was. I tossed it back into the machine immediately.

I guess that was the "bonus." Heh.

More later. _\,,/

After Christmas 66% Off!

Even good girls like to show their wild side every now and then...

I dig the post-rush cheapskatefest that comes about after every Christmas -- it's a great chance to stock up on the stuff that'll keep for a year, like wrapping and ribbon and bows. I also have no complaints about half-price chocolate, and I see no shame in munching on those lovely four-boxes-for-a-buck cherry candy canes well into February or March.

This year, I put up my tree for the first time since 2001, and I thought it looked quite nice once I covered it with those two buckets of (pet-proof plastic, not glass) shiny ball ornaments that I bought during the after-Christmas sale in '01. I probably don't really need any more ornaments, but I ran onto two adorable kittens with presents, so there's no tellin' when somethin' cute will turn up.

In the course of a lovely afternoon of After-Christmas-Sale shopping, we went to one of the larger artsy-craftsy stores. I'm not going to mention the name, partly because of Go0gle, partly because I'm sure they'd be deeply offended by the admittedly sick humor of this post.

Since there wasn't a whole lot of wrapping paper left in this particular store, but there were five or six aisles full of ornaments, we were checkin' out the ones that weren't black. Seriously, who puts black ornaments on a Christmas Tree anyway??? Christmas Tree Ornaments have come a long way since the days of plain glass balls, and they fall on just about every point on the scale between "cute" and "tacky/gaudy." Every kind of cat or dog or other pet, any shape you can cover with glitter, golf bags, basketballs, a tiny sky-blue motorcoach, a "Soccer Mom" ornament with a very detailed red mini-van; you can hang anything on your tree.

The aisles were tall, and peg after peg of ornaments reached from the floor to the far edge of arm's reach. At 5'6", I've never really thought of myself as short, but I've never really thought of myself as tall either... Near the end of an aisle, I happened to look up, just above my head. I was shocked by what I saw, right there in the middle of that store that always plays their muzak out of a Hymnal, that store that closes on Sundays so that their employees "may worship or spend time with their families," right there with "Away In A Manger" playing on the overhead speakers, there it was.

Now, I'm secure in my heterosexuality, I'm not into lookin' at chicks unless I'm thinkin' "Mmm, where'd ya get those shoes?" I've heard that Scotsmen don't wear drawers under their kilts, but I'd never really put much thought into what any given ballerina wears under her tutu. I have no idea why the sight I saw jumped out at me like it did, but it did.

"Heyyyyyy, that teeny ballerina is wearin' crotchless panties!"



Who knows, maybe it's a manufacturing variation, or maybe there's somebody in the ornament factory who's got a little streak of sick humor... I checked out the other three ballerina ornaments just like this one, one had ordinary undies, and one appeared to have have a serious wedgie; which is quite likely to happen if you've got your leg up in the air a lot. I also saw a couple pink ballerinas who had scary gaping holes in that area, but we're not even goin' there 'cause I'm sure those were only a mold-point or something like that.



I wouldn't ordinarily buy a ballerina ornament, but hey, a ballerina showing her wild streak at 66% off of original price? Yeah-yeah-yeah!! She'll be on my tree next year, just to see if anybody notices!!!

Fel-Eez-Nah-Vee-Dahd!!!

The Childfree Couple Goes To The Big Toy Store

Me and my Hotwhee1 problem... Sorry 'bout the "1" there, I just figured I'd better Go0gle-proof that. Anyway, me and my addiction, along with Clay, went to the big toy store last night. I'm also Go0gle-proofing that one, but I'm sure y'all know which one I'm talkin' about -- the "R" is backwards. I know, I know, the proper English version is "My addiction and I," but nobody ever says it like that, so there.

I have to go back soon because there were 2008's on the pegs, but they were picked pretty thin -- so there must be a shipment coming any day now.

Once I'd satisfied my tiny-car obsession, I wandered over toward the doll department just to see what I could see.

Have y'all seen that "Butterscotch" Pony? It's made by the same people who made the purrin' kittens and those life-like baby lambs that just melt my heart. They also make that parrot that would be so cute if it would just skip that damn song. The little horse is just as cute as it can be, and it responds to touch in a fairly realistic manner; it whinnies, it wags it's tail, it turns it's head. The one at this store must've been under constant covert watch with a security guard lurking in the nearby baby car seat aisle so that he'd be able to snatch up the little bastards we'd seen punching the pony at T@rget -- this one was still in complete working order, which is amazing considering that it was totally accessible sitting right down on floor-level.

The little girl pictured in the advertising photos is sitting on the pony's back, her outstretched legs don't touch the carpet, but she's leaned down with her arms around the pony's neck -- the smile on her face says it all, every little girl's dream, "I want a PONY!" She's sittin' on the pony, without a doubt, but the ad makes no mention of the pony's ability to actually carry a rider at all.

That's why THIS little pony caught my eye:



There it is, the "Tango Interactive Ride-On Horse." Yes, it sells itself as a Horse, not a Pony. Yes, there's garbage in the display, isn't that nice? I'd guess it came from the same quality of people who thought it was okay to let their kids punch the pony -- they'd be pretty likely to think it's okay to eat candy in a store and then pitch the wrapper in a toy display, wouldn't they? I should stop right there; I didn't start this post to bitch about scumbags, I'm here to write about a horse!

The Tango Interactive Ride-On Horse was all alone on an endcap display, sittin' up off the floor at about elbow level. He's kinda cute, but has a more stuffed-animal-ish look to him -- not quite as life-like as the Butterscotch Pony, but more horse-proportioned in a smaller size, and it even has a cute little cowboy-style saddle with stirrups hangin' down. When it comes to toys, I'm touchy-feely, I can't help it -- so I rubbed-petted-felt of it a little bit, and since they were within easy reach on an elbow-level display, I could not resist checkin' to see what the legs felt like. It's a big-dog-sized horse, for all sake, my inner child had to know. Much like the only chick in a dress at the Speedway's Awards Banquet, my inner child is almost always desperately torn between the girl world and the tomboy world -- she's drivin' the go-kart with a Barbie under her arm, she's ridin' the dirtbike to her friend's house with a Cabbage Patch Kid in her backpack; but alas, as a chunky little thing, she's always been told to stay away from the stuff that could break if a fat kid were to climb on it... Would the spindly little legs on either pony be tough enough to stand up to bein' sat on by a kid?

I was stunned to find something that felt a little like mechanical parts under the fur; which I felt right about the same time my eyes landed on the red "Try Me! Press Here!" circle stitched on his right hip -- so I pressed... The clip-clopping was so very cute, I just had to press the circle on his forehead too, and that was right about the time I saw the sign.



Look at that!! Hand Crafted, okay... Durable, we hope... Eighteen inch seat height, yeah... THREE HUNDRED POUND CAPACITY!!! Do ya believe it? Fat kids the world 'round will rejoice this Christmas!!! Three Hundred Pounds! Seriously, that means a couple fairly thin adults could hop on this horsey together and go for a ride. Three hundred pounds is five or six healthy-sturdy-husky first or second graders; or a couple fairly curvy junior-high girls, or a senior-year star Defensive Lineman.

I'm stunned! I'm fascinated! It's cute and cuddly and every bit as cool as the shiny red P0wer-Wheels Mustang Convertible!

I'm thirty-one, I have a Kawasaki ATV that I can play with in the backyard, but seriously, if they made that furry robotic pony a little closer to horse-size, I'd damn sure buy one and ride it into town!!!

Three Hundred Bucks...

Thanksgiving was nice, notably less stressful than I'd figured. "Black Friday" was also nicer than expected -- much like last year, Mom and I went to Skiatook for a little morning shopping and lunch and it was a really nice time.

Thanksgiving was my first "long trip" (Mounds) in the Mark 8, and Friday was Mom's first "close look" at it too. I like it a lot, but I'm still not about to give up the SHO. I said a while back that I wanted something two-doored, rear-wheel-drive, and V-8-powered, and this Lincoln coupe turned up with perfect timing. I hadn't really considered a Mark 8, but...

It was a call-n-haul, the guy we got it from said he was leaving soon and didn't want to mess with having it fixed. The pump for the air suspension had quit working and he took the three hundred dollar offer on it. That was the day before that red Mustang sold, and I'd just came back from Claremore in it when I walked in and saw 'em unloading the Lincoln off the truck. Pearly white with tan leather, reasonably slick for ten years old, and not too raggedy inside either -- I leaned into the passenger door to take a little peek, and following in the footsteps of My Mom with her four hundred dollar truck, I went back inside and said "It's nice, I think I want it." The next day, when we got it inside the building to really check it out, I was sure I wanted it. It's got goodies like I've never played with -- even with all these years in the car biz, I'd never had my hands on anything with a power tilt & telescope steering column, and honestly, that little joystick is pretty damn fascinating. When ya turn the key off, it pulls in and up to let ya get out, and when ya get back in, it moves itself back to where it was. Same with the front seats -- when ya flip the backs forward to get in the back seat, the power track moves the seat all the way forward to widen the gap.

For three hundred bucks, you bet I want it... I was ready to reach for the checkbook when Dad told Mom we "had the birthday taken care of." I took it home the night before Thanksgiving.

On the highway, it has a little heavier feel than the SHO and doesn't seem to wiggle it's ass around as much as the Mustang did; the 4.6 is tremendously well-powered and the car seems very stable at (reportedly insane rates of) speed. It really sticks to the ground and handles real nice, but I sometimes wonder if it might not be quite as nimble as the SHO -- that could be my habits from 12-plus years with the feel of the SHO though...

Yes, I do smile when I see it across the parking lot... But I am still keeping the SHO, because I Love them both. Maybe it's a little like having more than one kid. Maybe. Don't worry, I'm not about to adopt any other ten-year-old. Heh.

I hope Mr. S.C. is healthy/safe/happy on his trip to Singapore, and I wish him all the best, 'cause I'm sure diggin' the car he sold before he left Tulsa...



More Later. _\,,/

iLove.

If I'd had any idea just how awesome it would be, I wouldn't have put it off so long.

Don't get me wrong, I had no doubt it would be pretty damn schweeet, but it's seriously amazing!

I put it off and put it off, holdin' out for the next bigger/better model, 'cause it wasn't six months after I got this MacBook that the newer/bigger/faster ones were out. I'm still very happy with the MacBook though...

I kept telling myself I'd order my iPod direct from Apple in a few more months. Just a little longer. Just a little longer. Playin' with Scott's iPod and takin' a closer look at almost every one of 'em that turned up in any of the pawn shops just made me want one even more -- and every time I'd hassle with my cheapy-no-name-SD-card player, I'd think about it a little more. I didn't want any of the little ones that I'd been lookin' at; I wanted the big one, the 80-gig, but I just kept waiting and putting it off. You know how I am -- there are very few situations where I'll go for the small or medium if there's a bigger one available. I ain't buyin' no six-cylinder pickup truck, I almost always go for the "large" fries even though I know I shouldn't... I was holdin' out for the "big" iPod, I really was.

And then Saturday, we stopped by the Pawn Shop on a whim and as I was lookin' at that ten dollar MP3 CD Player thinkin' I could toss that in the F-250 and not worry about it, and then I saw it... A 30-gig black one with a nice little yellow pricetag on it. I can't believe I almost missed it, but there it was, and as soon as I had it in my hands, I had to have it, so Merry Christmas! Yup, that's right, it's June and I hadn't touched Last Year's Christmas Money yet -- if you'll remember, I bought the Hearse in October of '05 with 2004's Christmas Cash; 2005 got dropped off at the bank shortly after Christmas of '06. See? That makes it real easy to justify spendin' a little money on myself! Wait... I'm always spending money on myself... Oh, screw-it, it's not like I'm lettin' bills go or something.

I had no idea how freakin' cool it would be! Music, Video, easy to use, no hassling with "find folder menu" and all that crap I had to go through every time I turned on that SD-card player (or every time I turned it back on after it had frozen and I had to pull the battery to re-start it). I had no idea the iPod had Solitaire in it. Solitaire! And I'm also stunned with the "notes" option; the first thing I did was put my Hotwheel/Matchbox "inventory" file on there -- so now when I'm standin' in a store tryin' to remember which ones I have or don't have, I can reach into my purse and it's right there. I'm stunned. Positively stunned.

I didn't get the "big" one this time, but it was such a sweet deal, I couldn't pass it up -- and I still might order a brand-new 80-gig one of these days too!

I am definitely a happy customer!

More later... _\,,/