Monday, September 22, 2008

Same vs. Different vs. Same.

Friday night while channel-surfing, Clay landed on MTV, a channel I really haven't watched in a long, long time -- so long I'm not even sure what number it is. Lately if I have the remote, I'm usually either on 249 (Comedy Central) or 810 (XM's X-Country), or flipping through the "guide" looking for something that doesn't involve screaming brides or mysterious illnesses. I also love "The Travel Channel," but I don't know where it is either, I just have to flip 'til I stumble onto it. Maybe I should take notes...

MTV, through the magic of re-runs, was showing the exact same episode of "Jackass" that first caught my eye that afternoon in 2000 or 2001, the episode with the shopping carts. Or is there more than one with the shopping carts?? Anyhow... I vividly remember ploppin' in the living room of the little white house up on Yukon Avenue for a rare moment alone in front of the TV with the cable remote. My channel-surfing came to a stop when I saw those guys shoving each other's carts over curbs and into bushes. "I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!" (Huh-oh, what it that was Gooogle-bait?)

I'm that chick who's been seen more than once ooh-ing-and-aaahh-ing over Matchbox cars -- I am not ashamed to tell ya that "my inner child" is a spoiled little eight-year-old boy, or, well, a mini-van load of spoiled little eight-year-olds, there might be a girl or two in there, but they're so tomboy they fit right in playin' with the boys. I ain't afraid to tell ya there's a kid in me who thinks it might be huge fun to go sailin' down and enormous hill in (or on) whatever I can find that has wheels on it -- but there's also junior-high kid who crashed a couple bikes, the highschooler with the boogered-up knee, and the nineteen-year-old me who took a pretty good hit to the head and knows that pain is not cool...

I guess I'm just over that edge of knowing that "Hey, there's no way to steer or control a shopping cart, so I ain't doin' that!" but I can certainly get a kick out of watching other people do it!

It's stupid, it's pointless, it's semi-dangerous, but let's face it -- it's hilarious!

I can't say I'm a serious "fan" of the show, but if I'm flippin' through channels and that's what I land on, I'll usually stay. I saw the movie twice in the dollar theater and I bought the DVD out of a clearance bin. I have watched, I have laughed...

Some of the things I've seen on "Jackass" have brought me to the questions that are on my mind today.

Today is a HoMeSkOoL dAy, and the younger kid is, through the magic of re-runs, doin' some of the same nutty stuff his older brother did a while back. I still have some unanswered questions.

In all my viewings of the crazy stuff we see on "Jackass," I have seen lots of "famous" dudes playin' with skateboards, but I've yet to see any of 'em using any skateboard wax.

Wax comes in many, many different forms, produced for many, many different uses, and candles are only the beginning. The wax that melts off candles won't yank the hair off of your legs, the wax that makes a car shiny won't burn to smell like strawberries.

The strange phenomena in the air here lately is not only due to the workings of "kid logic," it's because their dad isn't interested in the difference either.

In all the times I've seen people riding skateboards, I have not ever seen anybody rubbing candles into concrete. Nobody but the HoMeSkOoLeRz, that is, who have made greazy spots on the concrete bumpers, curbs, and anywhere there's a bit of a slope in the parking lot. That big red pillar candle out of the bathroom is completely gone, turned into a brown gooey mess on the concrete.

Surely I'm not nuts... Surely the wax goes on the board, and not on the concrete, right? Surely it's not the same wax that's used for birthday candles, right?

Surely?

Well, then I guess your guess is as good as mine when it comes to figuring out why a ten-year-old was able to persuade his forty-some-year old dad to light up an oxy/acetylene torch in order to melt dozens of broken pieces of candles and Crayolas into a hubcap.

Say a little prayer that the folks at OSHA are busy catching drunks on forklifts, please.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I've got phones to answer...

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