Thursday, March 15, 2007

It Was Only A Rental...

"Saint Valentine drove a red Continental,
With a headlight out, and a dent in the side;
He swore it wasn't his, it was only a rental;
But he drove it every single night..."

So, you rented a Nissan from Enterprise...

What's that you say? There's some asshole in a green Ford right on your bumper?

Well, if you're in such a hurry that it's totally necessary to run a stop sign to pull out in front of someone, you're being an asshole. Or, if you were talking on the phone as you came up the exit ramp and just didn't notice there was a stop sign there or didn't notice there was a car coming, you're being an asshole.

If, after you've ran the stop sign and then noticed that there was in fact a car coming, and that car has ended up awfully close to your Silver Rent-a-Altima, you choose to hit your brakes instead of continuing in your noted hurried fashion, yes, you guessed it, you're being an asshole.

If, after establishing that you're in such a hurry that "STOP" signs at the top of exit ramps don't apply to you, you decide to abandon the idea of hurrying just so that you can try to fuck with somebody who's trying to get to work, you're being an asshole. If you forget all about your hurry so that you can slowly creep up to sixty just to slam the brakes and get 'er down to thirty or twenty four times in a stretch of five or six miles, you're being an asshole.

I know, I know, it's not your fault you're being an asshole. It's not your fault you ran the stop sign when there was a car coming, and of course it's not your fault you almost got hit, 'cause hey, they should've been watchin' closer and stayed outta your way since those stop signs aren't for you. It's all to blame on that other car who was afraid to just go around you because since you'd already established that you're in the mood to be an asshole, you'd probably just floor it as soon as the other car pulled out to pass.

And hey, there's no accountablilty and you can be an asshole all you want since nobody will recognize you after you take that rental back.

Don't worry, we all know who the asshole is, it's pretty obvious.

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