Who's With Whom?
In my surfing, I clicked on over to the designer's blog (http://fathomharvill.typepad.com/fathom/), and found this fascinating little paragraph:
Geez, does it get any more true than that? If anybody ever hit a nail right on the head, she did it with that paragraph right there! I can't think of too many things more irritating than those guys who think they're better than everybody, those guys with the "my-shit-don't-stink" attitude, literally and figuratively. I always giggle when I hear people use that phrase, 'cause hey, I dated that guy a few years back, he seriously believed his shit didn't stink, and proceeded to bitch about his ex who stunk up the bathroom all the time. He didn't last long with me -- between my genetic predisposition for layin' logs and the fact that I ain't afraid to tell ya, shit stinks like shit, there just wasn't much comfort to be had between the two of us. I hope I'm not the first to tell ya this, but cake smells like cake, flowers smell like flowers, and shit smells like shit; just spray some air freshener and get over it.
I can't say enough about how nice it is to be done with those guys. It's great to be with someone I can see eye-to-eye with; I ain't sayin' we agree on every little thing, but we're on the same page an overwhelming majority of the time. I have no doubt that each of us sees the other as an equal; even though each of us has skills in different areas. Each of us has understanding of concepts foreign to the other; but niether of us looks down on the other, and I doubt that either of us would ever see any concept as "beyond" the other.
That's why I was so stunned to hear that I was being seen as "The Stupid One" Wednesday afternoon, not once, but twice. Mind you, it wasn't completely specific, but in referring to Clay as "the smart one in this relationship," it implies that there's a not-so-smart one, doesn't it? I can be totally comfortable with being the one who can hand-code html but is not good at math, and I am the one who replaced the faucets in both bathrooms. I have no problem with the fact that Clay's the one who changed the clutch in the S-10 and Clay's the one who climbs the ladder when somebody's gotta get in the attic. He's the one who cleans the birdcages, I'm the one who cleans the catbox. Niether of us is The Stupid One, and niether of us is The Smart One.
It's that comfort, that security of being happy in this relationship that kept me from getting too mad at someone I'd just met who indirectly referred to me as the stupid one. It's knowing that Clay doesn't see it that way that kept me from having a fit and storming away pissed off. The time I have with Clay is so much more important that how anyone else sees the situation -- and believe me, I know the difference, I know what it's like to get mad and not care enough to stick around, I know what it's like to not give a damn and just get in the car and leave. It's not like that now...
I am happy & comfy, I'm not worried about "where it's going," I know that whatever happens, happens; and it'll happen when it's time for it to happen, and nobody else has any say in how that timing works. That comment about "the smart one in this relationship" was in regards to us not being married yet. Hell, I read "Dear Abby," I know that the next thing people will bug us about is havin' kids, and trust me, that ain't happenin', it's just not.
I guess it's my age-old "third time lucky" theory, much like "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice," (gawd, I just made a reference to a crummy 80's movie) if he'd managed to bring it up a third time, I might not have been able to stay quiet. After all, it was the third dare that won me a gob of beads at that last ch!l! b0wl before I met Clay.
The more I think about it, the more I wish I'd engaged him in a little deeper, more serious conversation. If a husband who's also a dad of four meets a couple in their second year of dating and sees that guy as "the smart one" for not being married yet, what's that say? What's that say about how he feels about his own situation? Can those four kids sense that he feels this way? Has their Mommy figured it out?
It hurts me to think of how many people see relationships like a trap, and how they seem to seek to spread that vision to others. It hurts me to think of kids growing up in homes like that...
And it makes me thankful for my own situation, where nobody's the dumb one.
More later... _\,,/