Monday, November 13, 2006

Toy Nostalgia, Revisited...

A few days ago, Robin mentioned "Barbie's Feces Munching Dog," and I simply could not resist clicking the link to see what the deal was. I don't even want to think about the Google searches that might land here since I used those words, but oh well -- if I end up on the same screen with Robin's Site, I'll be in good company anyway.

Now, I get a kick outta the Barbie aisle every now and then just like any American girl -- but I'll be honest, stores haven't been the same for me since the internet came about, and I don't think I've seen this in a store, only on Amazon through that link. Apparently, the dog eats and poops -- it even comes with a "Magnetic Scooper." Now, I really don't think there's any sort of process inside a plastic dog -- so I'm guessin' they come out exactly as they go in, which is both humorous (this dog poops treats!), and alarming (and eats 'em all over again!), much like "Puppy Surprise" and "Kitty Surprise" from a few years back. Remember those? Yeah, the toy has puppies, and you can cram 'em back in and do it all over again. Terrific, huh? Just what those little low-level thinkers and HoMeSkOoLeRzZ need around the house; and I can't help but wonder how many dogs and cats were mutilated by kids who wanted the "Puppy Surprise" experience with their real family pet...

I was a biiiiig fan of Barbie; even being a near-tomboy, I had a ton of Barbies and Barbie-related stuff -- there are at least two suitcases somewhere in the garage or attic or wherever Mom stuck 'em away to. I guess the near-tomboy thing probably changed the Barbie experience a bit, seeing as how it seemed to always involve the car in one way or another. (Tell me y'all didn't see that one coming from about a mile out.) Many, many of my childhood memories include Barbie -- from gettin' one from Santa at the big family gathering every Christmas except the year my folks split up, to watching my brothers tie one onto a kite and fly her, which ended with lots of crying and a horrific crash into a dry pond bed. Actually, I'm pretty sure that was a "Darcy" doll though -- remember her? She was like Butch-Dyke-Barbie; she was girly, but she was bigger, and jointed like Ken, and she had silver high-heel shoes that were big, like the same size as Ken's blue-n-white tennies... That's probaly why she was chosen to fly the kite, 'cause she was big & tough. Heh.

I've never been a "dog person," but I'll be honest, that Barbie-with-Dog listing made me a little curious, even if it is just because it's only been four or five years since I took that cat down off my shelf and stuck it away in a box. Puff... Or Fluff... Crap, I can't remember which name they used -- one of 'em was My Grandma's cat, the other was the Barbie cat, but anyway, Puff or Fluff, whichever, was a totally cool Barbie Accessory, and it was way more "properly proportioned" than Barbie herself. I think it was Fluff... Yeah, it wasn't Puff, was it?

Fluff the cat was fairly large, about as tall as Barbie's knee -- in real life, very few breeds of housecat are knee-high to a five-foot-six-inch woman. Fluff the cat was way too big to reasonably sit or lay in Barbie's skinny little lap; the cat's body was about the same girth as Barbie's disproportionate little waist. With or without Barbie, Fluff was a cool toy, especially for a hard-core Cat Lover. She was white, but not just white plastic, she was flocked, fuzzy plastic; with pretty Green eyes, and she was almost fully jointed except for her stiff tail -- she could strike all the kitty poses except for the licking-my-own-junk pose. (Uhm, yeah, hi Google) She came with her own little pink cat carrier, food bowl, brush, bed, and even a fuzzy flocked pink scratching post -- it was fuzzy because each of her paws had a little circle of Velcro, the scratchy kind, so it was like she had real claws and could stick to things with 'em.

Back in the day, the Barbie Cat was cool...

That's why I could not resist checkin' out the new-and-current Barbie-and-Cat package that was also listed on that Amazon page.

The picture shows a non-blonde Barbie (okay, that's cool) with a Siamese-colored kitty (very, very cute) and a little handful of accesory-type-stuff...

Scroll down and read the product description. Seriously. The New Barbie Cat drinks and pees. I'm stunned; now when I'm about to say something like "It's so hot out here, I'm drinkin' and peein' like a cheap babydoll," I'll have a new option; I can say "Barbie Cat" instead of "Cheap Babydoll!" Heh heh... I ain't kiddin', it really does say that the set "Comes with a kitty litter box, bottle, cat litter in a variety of colors, litter scooper, cat food bowl and cat toys." Cat litter in a variety of colors! Woo!! Ain't life grand?

Non-Blonde Barbie, apparently her name is "Teresa," has an important selling point of her own -- "Teresa scoops ups litter clumps in the litter box." Well, if that's the case, Teresa's comin' home with me, Proofreading-be-damned! I'll leave GI Joe out for her to mess around with every now and then, and she can keep the catbox cleaned out so I won't have to mess with it! He1l yeah, and at $17.33, she's a whole lot cheaper than that electric-powered Littermaid litter box! Hmmm... I wonder if she'll make sure they don't speeyack on the bed when I'm not home...

See there? Ya never outgrow the imagination... Or was that smartass? Well, I never outgrew either one of 'em. ;)

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