What If?

Yesterday, I griped, today, I'm gigglin'...

My parents divorced when I was in elementary school, around second grade or so. At the time, it stressed me out a bit, but I think we all turned out alright. They've ended up being the best of best friends, and it's a pretty cool deal. They spend time together, take care of each other, and don't fight near as much as they did before the divorce.

Part of the fun of workin' the family biz is that I don't have to "be nice" and deprive myself of the fine entertainment provided by Telemarketers. Every now and then, I manage to make them hang up on me. Heh.

Before lunch, I answered to a whirl of background noise and since there were several people talking, I didn't bother with an extra "hello" or anything. After a couple seconds, a loud female voice said "They're DOWN? Well how the FUCK are we supposed to get our COMMISSION?" And then she hung up.

I could hear a lot of similar background noise when I answered this afternoon, and the voice on the other end asked for "The Owner Of The Business."

I guess I could've done a better job of withholding... Wait. Howdy, spell-check. Withholding has two H's in it? Really?? Well, I guess I did learn something today.

Anyway...

I guess I could've done a better job of withholding information, but I said "He's not in right now, is there somethin' one of the rest of us could help ya with?"

"Is his wife available?"

"What makes you think he has a wife?"

"Oh, are you his wife?"

"Noooo, but what makes you think he has one?"

"What?"

"Well what if he's Gay, he wouldn't have a wife then, would he?"

She didn't say another word, she just hung up.

He's about as far away from Gay as anyone could be, but if we ever turn up in some kind of listing for "Gay-Owned Businesses," I guess I'll know why. Heh. And next time they ask for him with his real name, I'll really have fun with 'em.

What Kind Of Ass-Kissing?

A telemarketer from "____ ____" (Caller ID # 818-###-####) just called me for the fifth time. The first three times, the caller hung up as soon as I answered. The fourth time, I answered immediately with a fast schpiel about this being the fourth time I'd seen the number in the caller ID, after three hang-up's, and threw in that I was pretty pissed off about taking time to answer the phone three times only to have it hung up in my ear three times. THREE TIMES, kids, one-two-three.

Now, call me crazy, but I really think that if it's important enough to call, and I care enough to stop what I'm doing and answer; then it ought to be important enough to not HANG UP IN MY EAR.

The fifth time, when she called me back after I'd hung up, she called me a "Fucking Idiot" before I could really get a word in.

Howdy Google. I found a different number for "____ ____ing" (818-###-#***) and dialed it up; where a guy answered with a friendly "Hello?" I'm sure that Telemarketing has become a rough and shitty job over the years, but bless his heart, I just had to tell him about what I'd just experienced.

And of course, if Google lets people find my blog while they're searching for everything from porno to information on Poodles with Herniated Discs, well then, people can find my blog while searching for "____ ____ing."

"Fucking Idiot." Nice.

In my personal opinion, junior-high-prank-calling is just not the way to project a "____ ____."

Now, why might I have changed the name to blanks and the numbers to #'s and *'s? Well, that's because the folks at "____ ____ing" are psychic, and apparently, somebody there could feel me typing an angry, nasty, highly Google-able Blogger post.

I was just about to hit "publish" when the phone rang and it was that friendly guy again, and boy did he ever kiss up to me, and he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to share anything that might damage the company's image. I think he actually used the word "campaign." He was so nice to me, I almost felt bad for having to go 'cause I had another line ringin'.

He said he'd just fired the chick with the nasty attitude, even though she was "one of their highest producers," because she'd been hanging up on people today and had been nasty to customers before. Heh.

So, ya lost yer job for callin' me a "Fucking Idiot," huh?

Well, who's the fuckin' idiot now, bitch??